Eyes On You
by sincerelyjaymee
Summary: Epilogue to Dead and Gone part 2. Bianca POV. Based off the quote, "You're the one good thing I've ever had in my life".
1. Collapse

_Hello, can you hear me?  
>I've got something to tell you<br>I was lost, but you saved me  
>I'll go wherever you want to<br>'Cause I think that I've got to have you  
>I've had enough<br>I'm in love, it's true  
>So don't, don't take it away<br>'Cause I've got my eye on you  
>-Automatic Loveletter<em>

I peeled off my crimson dress, drenched in a sheen of sweat from the sheer terror that tonight had brought. A quick chill ran down my spine. I put on pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt and walked a few steps out of my room into the bathroom.

As I flipped the light-switch, the yellow-white light stung my eyes. I placed my palms on the cool ceramic tiles and leaned into the vanity mirror. Staring back at me were mascara-stained cheekbones underneath damp eyes, wide with fear. I turned the stainless-steel faucet knob and splashed cool water onto my face. I grasped a pale orange washcloth off the counter and daubed my face with it.

I tried to avoid making eye-contact with my reflection because I wanted to avoid the guilty visage staring back at me. As soon as I glanced at myself, my eyes welled back up with tears. I forcefully wiped my face a few more times and tossed the washcloth into the sink.

"Useless." I muttered under my breath.

I tugged on a hair-elastic and waves of messy dark-brown curls flooded my face.

"What have I done?"

I crept back into my room and plunged face-first onto my bed.

"Stupid, stupid...stupid...stupid." The words trailed off as I gasped for breath.

I closed my eyes and heard Drew whisper, 'this crazy stuff never happened to me before you came along'.

Exactly.

He's the best thing I've had in my life and I'm the worst thing in his.

All I've done is cause turmoil in his life.  
>I'm the reason his relationship with Alli ended.<br>I'm the reason he took shrooms.  
>I'm the reason he lost the championship for the Panthers.<br>I'm the reason his mom doesn't trust him.  
>I'm the reason he was accused of murder.<br>I'm the reason he was beaten up by a gang.  
>I'm the reason he had PTSD.<br>I'm the reason his brother got shot.

I know confessing to the cops was the right thing. But I should have done it sooner. All of this trauma would have been adverted. I wish I could have left my past behind me when I met Drew. Sometimes, he makes me feel like it is possible. I need to put that love-struck fantasy behind me. I need to face the reality that the past isn't going anywhere. I can't believe I brought Drew into this. He doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve him. But I need him. _"You're the one good thing I've ever had in my life."_


	2. Cleanse

I was awoken by a piercing white light coming in through my window. I rubbed my eyes, pushed a few strands of hair back, and stretched my arms as I sat up.

The house had an eerie silence about it. My mom and step-dad are on a cruise for the next two weeks. They have no idea what has happened to me. Then again, they never do. They're so busy with themselves that they never even notice me. That never really bothered me. In fact, I used to prefer it. I didn't want them to know every detail of my life and noticed if I showed up home a little late or with below-average coordination.

For most teenagers, an adult-free house for two weeks at the start of summer would be an invitation for a party. Not for me though. After all I've caused, I feel like a completely different person. Everything has changed.

I glanced over to my nightstand to see three vibrant red numbers. 8:37. Early for most teenagers on their first day of summer vacation. But I'm not a normal teenager. And the only thing this hell has in common with summer is the blazing temperatures.

I reached over and picked up an iPhone, encased in pink rhinestoned rubber. I slid my forefinger over the unlock button and pressed. The glowing screen illuminated at me with the words "slide to unlock". I glided my thumb across the screen and pressed the contacts application. Names from the past appeared and haunting memories raced through my mind.

Anson. One of the first names to appear. A huge lump formed in my throat and I couldn't get it to go away. I pressed on the name with a shaking thumb. The word "delete" appeared in a red box and I pressed hard.

"It's over, it's over," I kept repeating to myself. "It's over."

I've never felt more alone.

I deleted every person associated with my past and I felt the weight on my shoulders begin to chip away. I cleansed myself by purging every name, so now the simplicity of unlocking my phone will no longer unleash terror.

There weren't many contacts left. The few remaining didn't fill me with much comfort.

Adam, Alli, Anya, Dave, Drew, Imogen, Jenna, KC, Owen.

Those names cumulatively filled me with guilt.

I pressed on Drew's name. My eyes welled up with tears as I saw his beautiful genuinely smiling face, his flawless skin, his enticing blue eyes, his styled mahogany hair. He looked so innocent in the picture, so untouched by the turmoil I had brought him. The way he should be.

I hope I didn't screw things up too much with Katie at prom. Hopefully she will forgive him. He deserves someone with less baggage. Someone who will make him feel good.

But he was willing to give up their whole relationship for me. He didn't have to invite me to prom. He didn't have to try to protect me from Vince. But he did. And that thought is what is keeping me going.


	3. Encounter

"Now what?"

I sat up and my bare feet touched the cool wood. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom. My cold feet were greeted by a warm cream rug. I glanced at the pale orange washcloth, stained black with mascara. I picked it up, crushed it into my fist, and threw it on the ground.

I pushed beige shower curtain, bent down, and turned the stainless steel faucet. I turned the knob to the highest possible temperature and undressed. I spent nearly an hour enjoying how the sting of the scorching water felt as it touched my body. I tried to wash away my skin, become a different person. It took me sixty stubborn minutes to give up.

I returned to my room and began fishing through my dresser drawers for something to wear. Long charcoal tank top, thin turquoise zip-up hoodie, distressed gray skinny jeans. I slid a comb a few times through my tangled curls until my hair reached a mild form of decency. I grabbed a silver shoulder bag off the messy floor and walked downstairs. The steps creaked loudly but I was the only one who could hear them. Eerie. I reached the bottom step and stared at the mocha paneled door. My eyes traced the rectangular imprints like a maze. I couldn't take the silence. My brain instantly filled the void with screaming thoughts. I twisted the copper doorknob and stepped onto the olive green coir doormat, slamming the door behind me.

I walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, kicking pebbles and breaking twigs. The rays of sunlight dried my curly hair. I didn't know where I was heading. I didn't care. I kept this up for an hour, until I realized I was starving. My mindless wandering lead me to The Dot. Go figure. I slowly crept up the two stairs and stepped inside. I was surrounded with the comfort of reassuring familiarity. I glanced to my left and noticed dark brown hair piled on top of a girl's head, in a messy bun with pieces hanging down. I took a few steps closer and faced her.

"Imogen?" It wasn't a question. I was just pleased to see her and couldn't really choke out any words besides her name.

"Hey Bianca," she said as she gently closed her book and placed it on the table in front of her. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Can I sit?" I asked and she nodded her head with a slight smile. I pulled out a metal chair to her right and sat down. She seemed way to serene. It perplexed me.

"How was prom?" She asked, her voice monotone. She doesn't know. She didn't hear. Should I play cool? Should I confess? I felt drops of sweat form on my forehead. "Why's your face getting all red? You ok?"

"I, err, umm, uhh," were the only words I could manage to sputter.

"That bad, huh? She took a sip of her tea. Well there's always next year. Maybe next time, your date will be single." She giggled, in a friendly way, smiled, and gently patted my shoulder once.

"Yeah, hah hah, that'd be great," I replied, hopefully she couldn't detect my fake laugh or my nervousness. "So, what kind of tea is that?" I relied on my sense of vision in order to try to change the subject because my brain clearly isn't working properly.

"Green tea with honey. Want a sip?" She smiled again. It made me feel guilty.

"Nah, I'll get my own. I don't want to take yours." I replied, trying to ease my guilt. I got up and walked a few paces to the counter. "Umm, I'll have a green tea please," I asked the barista, stumbling on words.

His chocolate lips smiled. "You look pretty tense, I'd suggest chamomile."

Why is everyone so chipper today? "Sure," I responded. He made me my tea, I paid, and walked back to Imogen's table. She had her nose buried in her book, but immediately put it down when I returned.

"Oooh, that looks good! Chamomile?" She questioned, seeming enthused with me and my choice of beverage.

"Yeah, that barista suggested it." I forced a smile and took a sip. It scalded my tongue, but tasted pretty good.

"Hot?" She asked. "You should've waited for it to cool." Another giggle.

"Yeah, silly me." I replied, tilting my head and forcing another smile. "So you really heard nothing about prom?"

"Nope, I spent all of last night reading," she confessed. "Too busy to be social."

"What book is it?" I asked, taking the subject off of me.

"_Jane Eyre_, I've read it a dozen times, but it's such a good read."

I smiled at her and my eyes wandered off to the window. I saw Drew walking up the steps. I choked on a sip of tea. "Oh my god, he's here. I'm so not ready for this."

"Drew? Go to the bathroom, I'll cover for you." She's such a good friend. I don't deserve her kindness. Especially after robbing her of her birthday money. Not wanting to take any chances, I immediately got up and ran to the single-stalled unisex bathroom and locked the door behind me.

Drew walked straight towards Imogen. "Was that Bianca I just saw?"

Her eyes darted to the left, then right, then met with Drew's. "Umm, no, I'm here by myself."

"Really. So you have two bags?" He asked as he looked from my bag lying on the floor to Imogen's on the back of her chair.

"Yeah, I have two bags with me. It's the newest trend. Haven't you heard?" She tried to play off of her weirdness. He didn't seem amused.

"And you're drinking two cups of tea?"

"Actually, I'm here on a date. He's in the men's room."

"I thought you said you came here alone?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I came here alone, but then I met him and we started chatting and one thing led to another and it turned into a date," she rambled, hoping it would work.

"Ok. Why don't I go check the men's room then. I'd love to meet him." He said smugly and he began to walk towards the bathroom. He rapped his knuckles against the door a few times. "Bianca, I know you're in here. Open up."

"Crap," I muttered under my breath. I can't face him. Not now, not yet. Sorry won't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I can't handle the look of disappointment in his blue eyes. I began to sob and slid to the floor feeling hopeless.

"Bi, I know it's you, stop trying to hide. Open up."

I eventually gave up and opened the door, hastily wiping my cheek.

He pulled me in to a hug. "Don't cry. Everything's going to be okay." He placed his palms on either side of my bottom jawbone and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

"Why are you doing this? I don't deserve it."

"Shh, shh." He continued to wipe my tears.

His body was so close to mine that I could feel his heart beat. I began to calm my racing heart and slow down the flow of tears. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I just stood there, hoping his presence would just fix everything and melt away my sorrow.


	4. Confessions

My head slowly moved to his shoulder. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. My brain clouded my tranquil aura with feelings of guilt. I looked up, directly into his almond-shaped blue eyes. I abruptly realized that there were huge bags of exhaustion resting under his gem-like eyes. I felt a sudden pang in my stomach. "So, how is he?"

He inhaled and exhaled through his nose. "Well, last night he had surgery to remove the bullet." He gasped for breath. The words were hard to say. They were hard to hear as well. "The anesthesia hasn't worn off yet, so," another deep breath, "there's no way to tell yet." He looked down, suddenly fixated with the laces of his Nikes.

A moment of silence. One of the longest moments of my life. I wanted to ask more, I needed to ask more, but I didn't want to see the pain in Drew's eyes as he pours his heart out about his brother. I can't stand seeing him in so much pain. I noticed he hasn't said "Adam" yet. Talking about this must be painful enough, so actually uttering his name probably makes it even more painful. I hesitated, then, "how are your parents holding up?"

He looked up. I noticed a slight feeling of appreciation for being concerned about his parents as well. When a family member is wounded, everyone in the family is affected. "Well, we all stayed at the hospital last night. Mom and Dad slept in the waiting room. I sat next to Adam's bed and stayed up all night next to him, holding his hand." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "He was under anesthesia, of course, so he didn't know, but just in case he woke up, I wanted him to know that his brother will always be there for him, by his side, no matter what." He exhaled, with relief that he uttered those words. "My dad had to go to work in the morning. When my mom saw me in the chair next to Adam's bed, she told me she would take it from here. She forced me to get some coffee. Real coffee," he let out a slight chuckle, "because hospital coffee sucks. She also said I needed some fresh air. So here I am."

My eyebrows furrowed a bit in gratitude and I gave Drew a reassuring smile. "You're such a good brother. I hope you realize that."

He shook his head. "If I was a good brother, I would've ended this sooner and this never would've happened."

I felt my heart begin to break as he spoke those words. I gently placed my right palm on his left shoulder. "If this is anyone's fault, it's mine."

"No, Bianca, stop. That _thing_," he sputtered, "was hurting you. It's not you're fault. You needed help. And I went about it the wrong way. I knew he was dangerous. I shouldn't have acted all tough and threatening. I was stupid." He hung his head in shame.

I picked up his head and looked him directly in the eyes. "No, Drew. You're wonderful. You're a great person and such an amazing brother. There isn't a single guy I know who would comfort their brother they way you did to Adam. I guess that's not saying much because most guys I know are scum, but still. C'mon, let's go see Adam." I took his hand and smiled at him.

We started walking back towards Imogen's table. "Oh, there you are." Imogen said with a smile. "Is everything okay?"

"Uhh," I grimaced, "it's kind of a long story," I turned my head and glanced at Drew, "a really long story. We actually have to go. Can I call you later?" I asked apologetically.

"Yeah, sure, of course. You gonna finish your tea?" She smiled. She seems so pleasant today. Maybe it's because I feel so _un_pleasant.

"I think I'm gonna take it to go. Drew, you never got anything. You could really use some coffee." I said as I turned to him again.

"Yeah, good idea, be right back." Drew said as he walked over to the counter.

"You didn't have to tell him twice," Imogen said, "so, seriously, is everything okay?" She turned her head and looked at me, trying to find an answer in my eyes.

"Yeah, I guess, not really. It's Adam," I confessed, "at prom, he was, uhh, shot." I didn't know how to paraphrase it without saying it bluntly. As the words escaped my mouth, I couldn't believe this had actually happened. It seemed bizarre to acknowledge it.

"WHAT?" She screamed loud enough for every head in the café to turn and face us. Her jaw practically dropped into her teacup. "Bianca, that is a cruel, _cruel_, joke."

"It's..true.." I stammered.

"How could this happen? Oh my god, why didn't you tell me? Is he okay? Who would have done something like that?" She began panicking and rambling. She only stopped asking questions in order to gasp for breath.

"Well, that's why it's a long story." I replied in monotone. I had to confess to her. I can't lie to her like this. "It's, uhh, sort of, indirectly, my fault." I added with a dull voice in order to mask the emotions that were welling up inside me.

Drew returned with the largest styrofoam coffee cup I have ever seen in my life. "Pleasant morning conversation, eh?" The slightest drop of caffeine had already started to react in him. It was impressive to see the bags fading and the color returning to his cheeks. He was even able to crack a slight joke.

"We should go now. What if he woke up from the anesthesia?" The anticipation of seeing Adam was filling me with anxiety. I need him to look me in the eyes and say he is feeling better. I need a doctor to tell me he will be fully healed soon. The guilt won't begin to escape until both of those requests are met. I hate not knowing if he's okay. God, if anything worse happens to myself, I absolutely will not be able to live with myself. What if the surgery wasn't successful? What if he suffers from a severe infection? _What if he doesn't wake up?_ That thought has been resting in the front of my mind since Drew told me that the anesthesia hasn't worn off yet. That same thought must have been crossing Drew's mind all last night. I almost feel selfish for feeling worried about Adam because Drew must feel a thousand time worse. I hate being a jerk to Imogen, but I can't handle this anticipation. I need to see Adam.

"Imogen, you're welcome to come, if you want." Drew clearly didn't want Imogen to feel left out because she definitely expressed concern for his brother.

"Seems kind of intrusive." She replied, blushing.

"Nah, the more positive energy and support, the better." Drew smiled. "I never want Adam to have to feel alone."

I couldn't help but smile at Drew and get lost in his almond-shaped blue eyes. Could he be anymore perfect and valiant? He's being so strong and holding up so well. The fact that he can forgive me when I can't even forgive myself makes him even more outstanding. Everything about Drew is perfect, even his flaws. Seeing someone overcome their flaws and be able to forgive themselves is one of the most incredible occurrences in humanity.


End file.
